


'Why did it hurt so, so much?'

by NeoDivergent



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Because I can, Bing's a Sad Boi, Bing's a Trans-Boi, E-Boy is non-binary, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Google has a heart, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, M/M, Relationship(s), Why?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24890239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoDivergent/pseuds/NeoDivergent
Summary: Bing's a Trans-guy. Having been built with a female-droid's body and parts, he eventually re-assembled himself the way he was supposed to be. Even if he didn't have. . Other parts, he was always a dude. Always had been, always will be. He got the chest he wanted, the face he wanted, even the voice he wanted. Even if he'd hurt himself, he was always a dude.In short, Bing is gay and trans, this is mainly a projection of myself onto one of my favorite egos, it's gonna be sad and fucked.Warnings!!: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm.
Relationships: Eventual Bing/Google, darkstache
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	'Why did it hurt so, so much?'

Bing was sitting in his room, sprawled out a little on his floor, his skateboard underneath his bed, still dirty from his earlier skateboarding lesson with E-Boy and Eric. He sighed, sitting up a bit more before standing up. Stretching his limbs a little before walking over to his dresser, stepping in front of the tall mirror he had. He looked at himself. He knew he shouldn't, but he did.

He stared at his reflection, pulling his iconic shirt off his torso, throwing it off to the side somewhere. He stared at the scars underneath his pecs. Where he used to have breasts. He stared at the scars along his sides, ones he did himself. Before and after he got the body he wanted. He sniffed a little, grimacing as he stared at himself. He scoffed, walking away from the mirror. He walked over to his bed, sitting down on it, hearing it squeak as it bounced a little. He sighed, holding his head in his hands for a few moments before pulling back his usual chipper demeanor. He stood up from his bed, going over to the door, he pulled one of his hoodies down, a simple black one with orange sleeves. He slipped it on before opening the door and walking out, a faked skip in his step as he walked down the hall. 

He walked for a good twenty minutes lost in his own head, until he walked into somebody else in the hall, making an 'Umf' noise before he fell to the floor with a thud. Shaking his head a bit to see who he bumped into. It was Wilford.

"S-Sorry Wilf, I uh- I was lost in my own head for a hot minute." He said, faking a chuckle at the end, accepting the hand that was offered to him, he stood up again. "Nonsense, Bing! I should have seen you, I was going over my lines for a segment on Bim's show." 

He knew he should be happy, or show something other then faked excitement. "That's awesome, Wilf! Hey uh, have you seen E-boy anywhere?" 

"Not recently, no. Not since you, them and Eric all went skateboarding earlier." He sighed, to himself at least. 

"Damn, hey, am I-" He got cut off again. "Oh! So sorry Bing, but I have to hurry over to Bim's stage! Talk later, shall we? Toodles!" 

Bing forced up a smile, nodding as he watched Wilford run down the hall, he pulled his sunglasses over his eyes, already feeling the start of tears. He continued to walk until he got to E-boy and Eric's shared room, lightly knocking on the door. He saw Eric open it up, a small smile on his face. "Hey Er." His voice mumbled, sounding unlike his usual self. "Bingo, what's wrong? I-. . Did you look in the mirror again?" He gave a dry chuckle at Eric's question. "Nah, not-. . not just that today." With that Eric opened the door for him, allowing him inside, he immediately knew where to sit down. Right on Eric's bed, toeing his shoes off on the side and scooting back tucking his knees up and wrapping his arms around them.

"Dysphoria again, Big B?" He looked at E-boy, nodding slowly. With that, he heard Eric sigh. "Bee, how can we help you?" He scoffed, falling back on Eric's bed and curling up a little. "I dunno, Er. I never know." He could tell his voice sounded desperate. "I fucking hate this. I hate everything about me, even though I'm in the correct body now." He felt his voice crack, he grimaced, pulling a blanket up and over his head a little. "I'm tired of being ignored. Of letting down people. Googs broke up with me, days ago now, but it still hurts. I still love him so, so much!" He said, mumbling a little under the blanket as he moved his sunglasses up and into his hair, his eyes shiny with clear orange colored tears. "I just want people to actually see me, ya know? I want people to tell me 'Hey Bing, how are you today?' and actually Care!" He could feel the tears going down his face, pressing the blanket to his face as he bit his lip, unable to stop the tears from flowing. He felt either Eric or E-boy sit down next to him, petting his hair. "Listen, Bee." He recognized the voice as Eric. "You know we care about you, right?" He managed to nod under the blanket. "Alright, then you know you could never let us down, either? You're super awesome at a lot of things, Bing!" He wanted to scoff again. He rolled over a little, in a way that said 'Yeah right.' "I'm serious, Bee-Bee, you're super cool!" He pulled the blanket off his head a bit, peeking out with watery eyes. "No. ." He hated how squeaky his voice sounded. "I can only skateboard, that's it." He could feel the weight of the bed shift as E-boy sat down. "I'm gon' assume you'd been feeling like shit since Google left you? And the dysphoria is from you thinking it was because of your body?" He flipped the blanket off, sitting up suddenly. "It's gotta be that, E-B!" He cried, his bottom lip trembling. "I made sure to try to be the best boyfriend ever, why else would he leave me suddenly?" He knew he mumbled, feeling Eric wrap his arms around him. He felt himself start to shake, before feeling his throat tighten, a sob leaving him as he brought a hand to his mouth. He heard E-boy sigh, then feeling their arms wrap around him with Eric. He closed his eyes tightly, shaking as he cried.

Then a knock sounded from the door, and he shot his eyes open, before hearing the voice that came from behind it. "Eric? E-boy? Is Bing in there with you?" He knew Google's voice anywhere, he looked at Eric and E-boy, praying they wouldn't tell Google he was in here, he saw the door handle turning, he wiped his face before diving off and under the bed. Pulling his shoes under with him.

He watched the door open from under the bed, his heart pounding in his ears as he saw Googles feet walk closer. "Is Bing in here with yous? I uh- I wanna talk with him." He heard, keeping a hand pressed to his mouth, tears still leaving his eyes. "Uh- N-No he's not here, w-we haven't seen him since s-skateboarding." He heard Eric say, then Google sigh. "Just- If he comes around, t-. . tell him I wanna talk with him, please? I-It's important." He heard Google, watching his feet walk away, seeing the door open as he walked out.

He flopped his head back down under the bed, pressing his hands over his face as he rolled onto his back. Did Google like him again? Was this it? Or was he hyping himself up for something good that would never come? Probably the latter knowing his luck. He took in a breath, before scooting out from under the bed, his core whirring softly as he sniffled, clear orange tears still going down his face, even with his hands pressed to his face. He knew he was probably overreacting to everything. He knew it.

Yet why did it still hurt so, so much?

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably do chapters, because yes- 
> 
> I dunno, comment if you want, kudos if you want too. If you like this, uhhhhhh, thank you, I guess. Glad you like Bing suffering, lmao-
> 
> Feel free to like, make art of this, if you want, I suppose. As long as credit is given to me, ya'll go ham. This is kinda shit, so, eh-


End file.
